I’ve watched some time both Esther Perel’s TED Talks

and

And was impressed by her approach to psychotherapy so I jumped on her podcast “Where should we begin” and devoured the 2 seasons very quickly https://www.estherperel.com/podcast

When my favourite blogger Mario Popova summarised her book “Mating in captivity, unlocking erotic intelligence” with the paradox of intimacy and desire at the core I knew it was time to read it: The Central Paradox of Love: Esther Perel on Reconciling the Closeness Needed for Intimacy with the Psychological Distance That Fuels Desire https://www.brainpickings.org/2016/10/13/mating-in-captivity-esther-perel/

As a (very) independent woman, it was music to my ear to get this validation about secret gardens:

“Personal intimacy demarcates a private zone, one that requires tolerance and respect. It is a space — physical, emotional, and intellectual — that belongs only to me. Not everything needs to be revealed. Everyone should cultivate a secret garden.”