Esther Perel on secret gardens

I’ve watched some time both Esther Perel’s TED Talks


And was impressed by her approach to psychotherapy so I jumped on her podcast “Where should we begin” and devoured the 2 seasons very quickly


When my favourite blogger Mario Popova summarised her book “Mating in captivity, unlocking erotic intelligence” with the paradox of intimacy and desire at the core I knew it was time to read it: The Central Paradox of Love: Esther Perel on Reconciling the Closeness Needed for Intimacy with the Psychological Distance That Fuels Desire

As a (very) independent woman, it was music to my ear to get this validation about secret gardens:

“Personal intimacy demarcates a private zone, one that requires tolerance and respect. It is a space — physical, emotional, and intellectual — that belongs only to me. Not everything needs to be revealed. Everyone should cultivate a secret garden.”